Chinese Scooter Club

sunburnspain · Mon Nov 13, 2006 6:39 pm Breaking News................

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex
in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Basildon.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackinell".

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond
repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.
Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying
to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said,
"It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying.
My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all.
I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to
help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
personal belongings,including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone
China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be
caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected...

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.

'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?

Simar · Mon Nov 13, 2006 7:08 pm

Well I think most off that can apply to many parts of the UK now.

Ginger Phil · Mon Nov 13, 2006 7:34 pm

That joke went round a few years ago although it was about Liverpool. :lol:

px166bajaj · Mon Nov 13, 2006 8:05 pm

Two planeloads of volunteers were scrambled the same day to assist with the looting.

px166bajaj · Mon Nov 13, 2006 8:05 pm

Two planeloads of volunteers were scrambled from Liverpool Airport the same day to assist with the looting.

larry8 · Sat Nov 18, 2006 8:25 pm

What was that, do you mind repeating it.

sunburnspain · Sun Nov 19, 2006 1:48 am

Sorry Larry, it's a bit of typical English humour. Essex is a county that everyone takes the piss out of.

For instance..... How do you know when an Essex girl has an orgasm .........she drops her kebab

Are you any nearer understanding it now.

No ?

Thought not.

Never mind :D :D :D :D :D :D

larry8 · Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:43 pm

Hay, I maybe daft but I'm not that far gone.
I know you were trying to "pull my er.... chain"

sunburnspain · Sun Nov 19, 2006 8:13 pm

I'll pull you chain, but if there's anything else you want pulling please refer to......................whoever :icon_bend_over: :icon_tasty:

larry8 · Tue Nov 21, 2006 1:35 am

Thanks, and I'll keep you in mind for the chain pulling. :icon_thumbs_up:
But cant think of anything else I'd need pulled. :icon_slap: